Learning Curves and Resilience - Parents Experience It Too!
Yesterday I took my boys to a local farmer’s market that was also hosting a children’s market. My boys had had 2 weeks to create some items to sell, and the process of watching them struggle with what to make, how to make it, and what price to sell it was really interesting.
One of the most rewarding things to see happen was the struggle my child had with making a rag doll for the first time (it is uncomfortable and rewarding to see him struggle --within a threshold-- because it gives him an opportunity to persist and to succeed. As a parent, I know my biggest personal growth has come with great struggle and the right support.).
Finding ways to challenge him and build resilience and persistence has been harder during the lockdowns: there have been fewer opportunities to try hard things that are also fun and enticing and that lead to feeling competent.
As I guided him through making a rag doll the first time, the process didn’t make sense to him. He didn’t know what the next steps would be, or how each step would come together to make the final product. He had to have some faith that he’d get there in the end.
And when he did complete the first one, and decided to make another one, he was surprised at how much easier it was! What a great feeling!
It can be the same with parenting your baby through sleep challenges.
It can be a struggle.
It can feel confusing.
The "instructions" aren’t always clear (I’d argue they are almost never clear...because most sleep instructions aren’t like following instructions on making a rag doll. They involve understanding your child who is changing weekly -or daily or even by the hour!- and they involve ignoring the mixed advice out there that contradicts or doesn’t fit with your family).
If you’re struggling with what the bigger plan is for sleep, I have a few ideas for you:
Know that it’s normal for it to feel hard working through this. This is all new (even if you had it figured out last month or with your first baby, your baby is different and has different needs than before).
Know that baby sleep develops over time. Things get better! (even if some days it feels like you won’t ever get there.)
Know that as you get to know your baby better, and as you get practice with supporting them, it gets easier! That first big bump in the road to independent sleep builds your capacity, insight, and perspectives. And one of the hardest things to practice is letting go of who is in charge of falling asleep.
Know that the right level of support makes a big difference (validation, encouragement, perspective, information, and strategies that fit your family’s needs and parenting philosophy).
And know, above all else, you are doing a GREAT job supporting your baby and meeting their needs. You are doing an amazing job.
Big hugs for some rest and resilience through all the ups and downs,
Heather
PS Not sure what kind of support you’re looking for? Interested in exploring your options? Book a call to chat about what support would look like for your family.