Sleep Is Separation (How Connection Softens the Edges)

As Gordon Neufeld has so aptly said, “separation is the most evocative of human experiences”.

The opposite --togetherness-- is our primary need as human beings.*

When we think about our children having separation anxiety we often think about separation to attend daycare, or preschool.  Or adapting to a new babysitter.  

And yet sleep is probably the hardest separation that we expect our children to endure each day.

SLEEP IS AMONG THE MOST VULNERABLE OF SEPARATIONS WE MUST ADAPT TO.

Afterall, sleep is about letting go into unconsciousness.

Even if your child is not falling asleep alone in a dark room, "falling" into sleep takes a great deal of trust that one is safe and protected.

When my children were very little, I discovered Gordon Neufeld's work and his unique approach to attachment and separation.  It answered so many of the questions I had about understanding my toddler's needs, and it helped reaffirm the decision I had made to be a responsive, attachment-focused parent.

These days I'm deeply emersed in Neufeld's work again as I take his 7 month Intensive I: Making Sense of Children.  I'm excited to be taking it with a number of my sleep colleagues as we explore how to apply his work to the way we support the families we work with.

Many of the perspectives and strategies that I share with parents are from Gordon Neufeld's work: it forms the backbone of how I think, solve, and support sleep. In fact, the most popular posts I have written are about how to apply his work to sleep and to sleep challenges.  If you're looking to explore this more, here is a start:

• Bridging to the Next Connection (toddlers and preschoolers) 

• Stages of Attachment (birth to age 3 years)

• Stages of Attachment (3 to 5 years)

• Baby Sleep Through the Roots of Attachment (pdf)

Update! If you want a more immersive coaching experience for yourself, get on the waitlist for the Confident & Connected Baby Sleep Program, a multi-week, group coaching program for tired, attachment-based parents.

If you’re too exhausted to make a decision about what you want, I invite you to book a call to chat about what support would look like for your family.

In the meantime, I wish you sweet dreams and a restful night.  Your baby will get there little by little.

Heather

* Gordon Neufeld, Getting Sleep Right, YouTube video. Available at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9ra898uoVM&t=377s. (April 2021).