Why Infant Development is Parent Development
It feels like Mother’s Day is a distant memory, though it truly was just a few weeks ago.
Our role as mothers, and as parents, is one that can surprise us, and the worries that we end up having in supporting our baby’s development can be intense. Who would have thought we’d be so interested in the minute movements of our babies, from chest rising and falling as they sleep, to watching their tongue stick out in imitation of us, to the shape and colour of their poop! Although I talk a lot about infant development (it’s been my focus professionally for over 20 years), we don’t often talk about how our baby’s development is woven into the fabric of our own development as parents.
OFTEN OUR CURIOSITY AND DELIGHT (AND WORRY!) ABOUT OUR BABY'S DEVELOPMENT TAKES THE FRONT STAGE:
When will they roll?
When will they crawl?
When will they eat solids?
When will they say their first word?
When will they sleep through the night?
Underneath these questions, though, are more uncertain ones:
What can I do to make sure my baby grows and thrives?
If my baby has trouble (crawling, managing solids, sleeping) is it my fault?
What toys do I need so my baby can develop the way they should?
How do I get this "right" so I help my baby develop?
Why does so much of what I read conflict with each other?
How do I know what to do?
Somewhere under the questions, the curiosities, and the concerns, is a deeper truth:
your parenting role matters more than what usually gets appreciated. And yet not always in the way you expect.
YOU ARE THEIR WORLD, AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.
There is no such thing as perfect parenting, or the perfect environment. What there is, however, is the possibility of deep joy and curiosity about who your baby is, what amazing skills they will express next, and how to keep "caught up" with the incredible speed at which your baby is changing (i.e. being right where they’re at; not ahead, not behind, just present).
I see one of the most powerful roles we can play as mothers is simply to establish a loving, safe, and simple yet stimulating environment for our babies to develop skills at their own pace. By focusing on the relationship (and our secure attachment) with our babies we are in a better position to make decisions about what our babies need, and can take greater joy in watching their development emerge.
So, as your baby grows in the coming months and years, remember that you are growing too! Keep your eye on the biggest priority of all -- the one that keeps your baby's world secure and fascinating: your relationship with them. Which means that while you feel like parenting is all about your baby, it’s worthwhile flipping that idea over and reflect on parenting being all about you:
What world do you create for your baby that helps them feel safe and secure, which means they feel confident and curious, calm and playful….because those things will do far more to support their motor, cognitive, and emotional development than any toy will ever do.
Interested in keeping this conversation going? I occasionally offer an Infant Development Circle for those in Ontario Canada. Reach out to explore: