On Mason Jars and Imperfect Parenting
So, I have this mason jar....
The jar has a divet in it, right where my thumb naturally goes when I hold it. It's not all that visible. In fact if I go looking for it, I can't find it. But when I happen to pull this mason jar off the shelf and hold it in my hand, my thumb natural slides into that little divet comfortable. Almost like it was made that way.
It's my favourite mason jar in our house. Which is saying something. After all, mason jars aren't all that fancy, and they certainly are usually so uniform it isn't possible to have a favourite! But I'm always glad when I happen upon it and get to hold it in my hand.
Perhaps it's a stretch for some of you, but I think of this flawed mason jar as a nice reminder about the natural flaws we all have --in our parenting and our day to day lives. As much as we try to create a "perfect" and "just so" environment for our kids --not too stimulating but stimulating enough, full of open ended toys but not too many, and with a wide variety of experiences and opportunities but not to the point of indulgence, etc. etc-- we are flawed. All of us. And we will make mistakes.
And the mistakes that we make as parents seem to be among the heaviest. We pay for our parenting mistakes in judgements from others, self-reproach, and a sense of guilt that we have let our kids down.
But what if, instead of guilt and judgement, we looked at our own flaws as this wonderful, natural variation that becomes not just the essence of being human, but also an opportunity for growth? What if we took our imperfect parenting as an opportunity to have grace: with our children, with ourselves, and with our ambitions as parents.
If we do this, mistakes may just turn out to be lovely and surprisingly nice ways of reminding ourselves that we are human. And humans make mistakes. If we take our own mistakes as opportunities to model to our children that we are still worthy, and acceptable, and loving, and learning, rather than letting mistakes be a source of self-rebuke, then perhaps it is not just us who get to learn from these mistakes.
If you want to hear more on this, see this video where, despite the tech-incompetence at the end (oops, aha,I will forgive myself for that self-rebuke!), I chat about my mason jar and also the value of saying sorry. If you haven't had opportunity to say that much to your kids just yet, take this as a wonderful, flawed, and empowering invitation to forgive yourself for your mistakes, and let your children see the power and growth that comes from that.
With absolute imperfection,
Heather
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