When Sleep Deprivation Becomes a Sleep Emergency

(And what to do about it)

I’ve been seeing something more and more often in my practice: parents—especially mothers—who are facing what Lyndsey Hookway calls a sleep emergency.

This isn’t just about being tired (which comes with the territory of new parenthood). A sleep emergency is something different. It’s when lack of restorative rest tips into something that feels raw, unsustainable, and overwhelming.

In this post, I’ll walk you through:

  • What is a sleep emergency?

  • How to recognize if you’re in one

  • What to do about it—whether that means gentle sleep coaching, an urgent reset, or medical support

What Is a Sleep Emergency?

There’s no official definition, but here’s what I mean:

A sleep emergency happens when you’ve had a prolonged interruption in sleep without restorative stretches. Not just a bad night or two, but enough that you feel depleted, fragile, and like you can’t go on this way.

Of course, words like raw, exhausted, and unsustainable could also describe new parenthood in general. So how do you know when it’s solely the normal exhaustion of caring for an infant—and when it’s something more urgent?

I see three main scenarios:

1. Interrupted Sleep, but Manageable with Coaching

  • Your baby is waking often, and you feel worn out.

  • You start wondering about sleep training, even if it doesn’t feel right for you.

  • You feel like this is unsustainable in the long run, but you aren’t at the end of your tether. Perhaps you’ve got a spouse you’re tag-teaming with, or you know this is just a stage of development, and not forever.

  • In this case, sleep coaching (sleep timing, strategies, and sleep hygiene approaches), education, and reassurance can help. Sometimes the fix is as simple as adjusting routines or understanding what’s developmentally normal.

2. A True Sleep Emergency

  • The exhaustion you’re feeling is directly linked to fragmented sleep.

  • You’re so depleted that you begin to feel this is unsafe

  • Your baby may be thriving, but you are not. (Or, in some cases, your baby is not getting restorative sleep either, and you’ve got very little energy to help solve their sleep challenge)

  • Once you get 1 stretch of sleep, the “I can’t do this” thoughts often ease, and perspective returns.

This is the classic sleep emergency: your body and brain urgently need uninterrupted rest.

3. A Mental Health Crisis

Sometimes exhaustion crosses into something more serious.

This is where it gets blurry, because normal new-parent struggles can overlap with signs of crisis. The difference is in intensity, duration, and the way symptoms interfere with your ability to function or bond with your baby.

When It’s a Mental Health Crisis

Here are some red flags that mean it’s time to seek professional help right away:

  • Sudden, severe, or ongoing mood changes

  • Intrusive thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

  • Intense guilt, shame, or hopelessness

  • Feeling detached from your baby or unable to bond

  • Inability to sleep or relax—even when your baby sleeps

  • Believing your baby would be better off without you

  • Hallucinations or delusions

If any of these resonate:

  • Go to the emergency department or call 911 if the baby or mom is in danger of harm. This is a medical emergency.

  • In parts of Ontario, Canada, you can also call your local crisis line. In Niagara, that’s COAST (Crisis Outreach and Support Team) –in Niagara, https://niagara.cmha.ca/brochure/i-am-in-crisis/

  • Contact your doctor, midwife, or mental health professional immediately

  • Be honest about what is happening so that you can get the support you need.

When It’s a Sleep Emergency (But Not a Crisis)

If you’re not in crisis but you’re running on empty, here’s what matters most:

The problem → Chronic, ongoing interruption of sleep that leaves you unable to function.
The solution → Just one solid 4–5 hour block of uninterrupted sleep.

Not every night. Not even two nights in a row. Just one night can be enough to reset your body, shift your perspective, and give you the energy to problem-solve.

Parents I work with are often surprised by the difference one night makes—their voices sound lighter, their patience returns, and their hope grows.

How do you know whether this is a sleep emergency?

Let’s check in on what may prevent a sleep emergency or turn it around:

First, Ask Yourself These Questions

Before you treat it like a sleep emergency, check in:

  • Am I dismissing easier fixes?

    • Going to bed earlier

    • Tag-teaming with my partner

    • Adjusting the sleep setup, even if it looks different what I imagined

  • Am I sabotaging my own rest?

    • Staying up late for “me time”

    • Letting screens delay bedtime

  • Am I struggling to sleep even when the baby sleeps?

    • If yes, this isn’t a sleep emergency—it may be insomnia or a mental health issue that needs a different approach.

    • If you can’t sleep –even when the opportunity allows– book an appointment with your doctor or, when this is a mental health crisis, call 911, visit the emergency department, or call your local crisis line (e.g., COAST in Niagara or Hamilton)

Two Steps to Treat a Sleep Emergency

If you’ve ruled out the above and you know you need urgent rest:

1. Set up the environment for 4–5 hours of sleep

  • Ask a partner, grandparent, or trusted friend to cover baby care.

  • Your baby may cry, but they’re in loving arms—not left alone. This isn’t “cry it out.”

  • Consider feeding logistics: pumped milk, spacing out feeds if reasonable, or planning how your partner will bring the baby to you.

2. Actually take the rest

  • Do your own bedtime routine: wash up, change into pajamas, and make your sleep space cozy.

  • Use tools like meditation or calming audio to help you fall asleep.

  • If possible, even stay in another room to facilitate a 4-5 hour stretch. Or set up a separate space for your baby and your partner/other adult

This is not a long-term sleep plan. It’s a stabilizer—meant to help you regain the strength to make thoughtful decisions about next steps.

A Silver Lining

Sometimes, one supported night leads to surprising changes—a baby may occasionally stretch their sleep longer afterward. That’s not the primary goal –the primary goal is YOU getting enough sleep– but it can be a welcome bonus.

Recap

  • Sleep coaching can help if your baby’s waking is wearing you down.

  • A sleep emergency calls for one urgent block of uninterrupted rest.

  • A mental health crisis requires immediate professional help.

Parenting is hard. Parenting while sleep-deprived is harder. You were never meant to do this alone.

If you see yourself in this post, let this be your call to reach out—whether to your partner, a friend, a professional, or a crisis line. Getting the support you need can make all the difference.

If a call with me to explore your baby’s sleep feels like the right next step, you can book a screening call at familysleep.ca.

Wishing you uninterrupted, restorative sleep,

Heather

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Infant Sleep Associations